I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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