1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
