I think my vagina is haunted
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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