my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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