Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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