i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
