I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
