I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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