I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
