New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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