bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
