We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Houston, we have a squirter
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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