when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
