i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
