my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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