Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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