5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
