i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize