Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
