I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
