he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
