textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
