It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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