you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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