It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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