Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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