i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
