I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
