Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
