Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
