It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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