My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
