Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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