just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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