You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize