so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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