Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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