I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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