dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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