I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
