I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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