haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
