Me too!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
