I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
