somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
