I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
