I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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