Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
