saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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