guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
