How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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