I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
