Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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