Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
