Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
