What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
