I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
