He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
