You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
