Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
