I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
