fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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