Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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