I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
