they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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