any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
