he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
