please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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