Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
