I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
