I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
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