So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
