i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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