i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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